Have you ever just felt TIRED? When someone asks how you are doing, you don’t want to respond that you aren’t feeling well but saying that you are well would in fact be a lie? Have you ever felt like shutting out the entire world for just one moment of peace so your mind, body, and spirit can have a break and just breathe?
Me too. Most of the time when I reach this point, I haven’t even realized why or how. The combination of work, school and everyday life can become so consuming that I neglect to take care of not only body, but my mind and my spirit as well. By doing so, I don’t have the energy to deal with simple things and I often become irritated at things that would normally not bother me. Sometimes I even look upset and don’t know why.
I’ve come to understand these ill feelings arise in me as a result of carrying an invisible burden, maybe a few invisible burdens. These burdens are the ones I cannot fix on my own, most of the time because they do not directly involve me! I get upset over someone I love being upset. I become angry at the way children disrespect their parents, and the parents allow it. I get annoyed at people who take without giving and without an ounce of appreciation. I feel hopeless when I watch the news. I feel powerless when I apply for a job I’m overqualified for. I feel useless when I can’t loan money a struggling friend or relative. I feel rejected when people don’t want to accept my help. On top of all of that STUFF, I’m worrying about how many hours I have to work to pay my own bills and how many hours of sleep I can sacrifice to get my school work done and still be present in my own life, for my own sake. As a result, this load of unworthiness sits on my shoulders with it’s legs wrapped around my neck, breaking my back and cutting off my air supply.
Then I break down. I start to look for signs of how I reached this breaking point when the whole time the answer has been right on front of my face: I stopped relying on God and started relying on myself. I stopped trusting God to see me through. I forgot to give God the space He needs to get His work done and occupied it with myself.
But I got tired of ME. I got tired of bearing all these feelings when they weren’t feelings I should have been carrying.
So instead of complaining about the things I could not fix, I started giving thanks for the blessings I did have, like my job, my school, family and friends to be concerned about. I started giving thanks for being in the situations I was in because one day I would be out of them and I would be able to say I made it through.
This change in attitude did not change where I was physically, but spiritually and mentally I felt elevated into a space of gratitude and peace. This space doesn’t mean everything is going to change, but it does mean I can look at things and treat them with a different attitude.
So if you ever start to feel burdened down and you don’t know why, ask yourself, “what am I carrying that I don’t need to?” Let those things go. Then, start giving thanks for the things you have and watch your back start to straighten out and your breathing become a lot easier.